Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
