This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
