Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
