My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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