Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
