I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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