I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him