is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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