Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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