Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
