I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
