do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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