420 ftw
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize