I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
