i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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