It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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