It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
