You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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