I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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