Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh god it's open bar.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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