So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
