Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
