i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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