im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
