Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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