my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
