But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
