i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
