I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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