The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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