if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
