is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
