this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
