If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
