i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
pop tarts are not kleenex
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
