theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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