So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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