Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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