How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
