Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
