I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
