So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
