i don't like sucking hair
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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