My sheets look like a crime scene.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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