Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
