saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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