i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
