my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
