Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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