I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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