I cockslap morals
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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