You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
