Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize