he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
