i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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