it was like eating out sand paper
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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