**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
