So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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