i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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