I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
