she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
