everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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