i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
