yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
