I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
