I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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