my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
