I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
