I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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