So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
