In the future we'll all be gay
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
