Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
