i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We just shotgunned beers for America
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
