I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
