i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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