that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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