im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
