I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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