I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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